Wednesday, December 17, 2014

#ShortPost 1.

If I happen to die young I don't want everybody to be like "oh I wish I would have talked to her more." "I wish I would have fixed things with her." "She seemed so nice."... blah blah blah. Like here's your chance, talk to me more while I'm still here. Make things right. Get to know me from now on. And that doesn't go for me, that goes for everyone. You never know when somebody could be taken away so make the most of it while they're still alive.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Grown Ups
 I never felt like I looked right or behaved the right way or said the right things. I don't know if I thought of myself as a little girl-more as a little person. I knew I wasn't a boy, but I didn't fit in with the girls out there because i've been spending most of my childhood time with my brother and his friends. GIRLS- they seemed pretty and dainty, not two words i would have used to describe myself. I grew in the suburbs, and I don't think I wore heels or wedges the first thirteen years of my life. I was running around, climbing trees, and beating up boys-bad stuff. That's the reason why people called me sandy (if you know spongebob's friend) because I like to beat or pinch guys-if they mess with me L O L XD . Those were the days long before we were'nt wearing watches. I never knew what time it was and I don't care!

    If I was most afraid of anything, it was other people. I had terrible time of it. I was very awkward. I felt like all the other kids had gotten Cliff Notes on how to act. They knew how to be social and smart, and I didn't get it. I always got it wrong. I needed someone to tell me the rules. How easier my life before if i have a sister but badly i'm the older sister :( I was starved for someone to tell me the rules.

  I knew who was in the popular clique, but I hadn't the vaguest notion how to work my way into it or even if it was something I wanted. I always had the wrong type of style. The bad dream kids all have? It actually happened to me. I went to school with my school uniform and without wearing hijab-that was terrible when you don't know how to wear it but other kids know. A little kid named Fatihah was the one to tell me. Very politely she said, "You might want to wear the tudung/hijab." That was the kind of thing that happened to me-and only to me. It happened when I was in standard 5. Since that day I started to tame with hijab and asked my seniors to wear it to me in school but i still not fully cover my hair till it came my matured time. At least that's how it felt: that I could never get it right.

  I had my first best friend in primary school; her name was Aisyah. We used to sit at the back of our classroom (with the air-conds inside ahhh so cozy hihi) and study together. She was mamak look alike, very, very popular, and so, so smart. This was the time before I knew to be intimidated by girls like this. Later on, I started to make more best friend like Alia Suhana and Syer. They were pretty cool and smart girls-so i have to fight them all to get best position in the class haha. But hey, know what? also I have new best friend in high school. Atiqah Madzilan, Nazurah, Intanloy, Dinie, Nani, Zakwan and Mighaa. Knowing them is the best part in my life because their slumber and fool jokes cheerish me. That they made this whole mish-mash-conglomerate-of-a-life has affected everything I've done since. They made it very clear that there was nothing you couldn't do if you wanted to do it. That was how they lived their life, and that's what I learned from them.

When I was a girl, I just worried so much. Alone. With people. With Family. With friends. There was a lot of worrying. Now i have a great deal of faith in things going the way they are supposed to. It was rough., feel-ing so traumatized all the time. I'd like to reach that little kid I once was, and tell her to take it easy.
        I'd say to her, "You're a good kid. Don't worry so much."

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Day.

The day we met, frozen I held my breath. Right from the start I knew that I'd found a home for 
my heart that beats so fast whenever i see you, and the colors and promises. How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? But all this while i just watching you stand alone? i'm very sorry. When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself. Only you can tell. One step more to get your rhytm my dear. Memorizing you was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. Fighting with you was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. Haha just wasting my time fr fighting with you. XD However the Time has brought your heart to me. You need to know that I loved you for every single day. How long can we keep this up? How long til we call this love?

You know what? Everything I need is right here by my side. Don't have to be afraid coz I have loved you for every seconds, minutes, hours or even a days, couple weeks, and many years. Time stands stillGentle in all he is. I will not let anything take away. The sun is filling up the room and I can hear you dreaming. What's standing in front of me. Please don't stand so close to me. I'm having trouble breathing. I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. But I will make sure to keep my distance from you :) And I keep waiting for you to take me while you keep waiting to save what we have.

Loving you is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall. Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all. Losing you was blue like I'd never known. Missing you was dark grey all alone. Forgetting you was like trying to know somebody you never met. Moving on from you is impossible when I still see it all in my head burning red.

I'm only up when you're not down. Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground. It's like no matter what I do. Well you drive me crazy half the time and the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is trueAnd I'm only me when I'm with you...